Healthy Mental and Emotional Development

Just as you prepare your children for the start of a new school year with the right school supplies and materials, it’s also important to think about their emotional health. Remember that children may not only be excited about the new school year, but also apprehensive about all the changes that come with growing up. Their emotional health is tied into their mental health and as their parent, you are the person they look to for support and guidance.

Despite the fact that children may not actively seek out a conversation with you, it is important to engage with them on a regular basis so that you become part of the support system they look to when they are in trouble.

For example, a poll conducted by KidsHealth found that “kids said they were stressed out the most by: grades, school, and homework (36%); family (32%); and friends, peers, gossip, and teasing (21%).” However, only 22% of these kids dealt with their stress by talking to their parents.

So, be prepared for the variety of issues that can “stress out” your children. Below are some pointers that can help you address the needs of children in various age groups.

Download the Healthy Mental and Emotional Development Factsheet (PDF)

Ages 5-9

What to Expect

This group will:

Have increased ability of their emotions, self-control
Know how to mask emotions and their use of coping strategies (by age 8)
Have knowledge of how their actions affect others
Express preference for structure and routine but they are learning how to assert their independence
Be able to “step into another’s shoes”
Form peer groups
Spend less time with parents and more time with peers

Tips for Caregivers

Increase the child’s self-esteem with warm, positive parenting and reinforcement
Minimize comparisons among children and help them overcome failures
Give advice and encouragement when he/she comes across moral questions such as lying, cheating, stealing, etc.
Help the child think about how to handle feelings of anger and similar emotions in safe ways
Promote respect and positive relationships between the child and others
Talk to the child about school, friends, and feelings regularly
Expect that the child’s level of independence will change depending on the circumstance

Ages 10-12

What to Expect

A pre-teen adolescent (tween):

Commonly has emotional swings (feeling wonderful one minute, and sad or irritable the next)
Begins to rely more on same-age friends
Views being accepted by peers means being liked
Still relies on bonds with parents though it may not be demonstrated
Has thoughts of independence but bonds with family are still clear
Questions rules and values, often will say things are “unfair”
May begin to have body image issues

Tips for Caregivers

Listen to the preteen and take his/her feelings seriously
Don’t minimize the issues they stress out about
Work together for solutions when problems arise
Schedule time for family connectedness (shared meals, weekend activities)
Be involved in social media activities
Reinforce your family’s values
Give room for independence and identity exploration
Be mindful of their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth
Talk openly about teasing, bullying, and similar problems and the appropriate actions to take when these issues arise

Ages 13-15

What to Expect

An adolescent:

Struggles with sense of identity; worries about being normal or “fitting in”
Feels awkward or strange about self & body image
Maintains high expectations for self
Still relies on connectedness with parents but not in an open manner (being rude to parents in front of others)
Complains that parents interfere with independence
Begins testing rules and limits
Develops more friendships with opposite sex
Has increased exposure to sex and drugs
Tries to find a group of peers where they fit in and are accepted
Interests and clothing style are influenced by peer group
Commonly experiences moodiness
May return to childish behavior, especially when stressed
Develops intellectual interests, which become more important
Realizes that his/her parents are not perfect and identifies their fault

Tips for Caregivers

Provide an open line of communication
Be a friend but don’t forget you are the parent
Set clear expectations and limits.
Talk about difficult issues early on (bullying, sex, drugs, gangs, etc.)
Don’t wait until they initiate the conversation
Get to know your teenager’s friends
Don’t overreact to changes in clothing style or appearance
Be sensitive to identity issues
Communicate and model your values about issues such as honesty, integrity, and responsibility.
Provide positive feedback
If you suspect a problem, ask your teen what is bothering him/her and then listen
Be honest about your experiences to help them make wise decisions

Ages 16-18

What to Expect

Common for this group:

Girls are more likely to be physically mature
Boys may not have completed physical maturity
Exhibits an increased interest in the opposite sex
Tests rules and limits
Chooses role models
May experiment with sex and drugs (cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana)
Interests and clothing style are influenced by peer group.
Peers are still important but moving towards their own identity/thoughts
Commonly experiences moodiness
Increased stress and anxiety about future choices (work/school)

Tips for Caregivers

Provide an open line of communication and supportive environment
Don’t be judgmental and disregard their ideas and plans for the future
Provide space for exploration of new interests
Don’t overwhelm them with talks of the future
Talk regularly about difficult issues (sex, drugs, gangs, etc.)
Continue to reinforce your family’s values
Set expectations and limits with room for independence
Provide positive feedback
If you suspect a problem, ask your teen what is bothering him/her and then listen